We all have slightly dysfunctional families and issues that we grow up with. Sometimes our parents get us, and at times they don’t; their actions or words haunt us for a lifetime. When we’ve felt rejected by a parent and have remained in that state, we will inevitably feel rejected by these essential others as well. If you have gone through this, i want you to know that you are not alone. Everyone has some story where super strict parents raised them, or a few words or actions of negativity made them feel like they are not good enough. While it is essential to move on from pain, we must find a way to forgive them and learn from their mistakes instead of repeating them.
Letting your parents off the hook and forgiving them, and erasing that part of pain is the first step towards happiness, self-acceptance and maturity.
Here are a few ways in which you can let the healing begin and become your happier self-
1-Understand Them And Know They Are Humans
Humans make mistakes, and we have all have good and bad parts in us. Stop viewing your parents are gods and know they can be wrong too, and it is normal for them to make mistakes and have fears and react in specific ways. Understand that they are humans and have good and bad parts. Instead of holding that part against them, know that your experiences in life is different from theirs and know that specific experiences make us that way. Understand that and forgive them for making that mistake. The moment you put them down from that pedestal and view them as humans, you will empathise with them and understand why they reacted the way did, and it will help you forgive them and wish that they heal too from their wounds.
2- Nurse Resentment Towards Your Parents
Do not be stuck in the past forever as the victim. When we hold a grudge against a parent, we cling not just to our parent but more to the wrong part of the parent. You need to live your life and learn from mistakes and resolve this issue and feel the security of their unconditional love. Let the bad parts go and know from it rather than holding a spot for the wrong position. Don’t be locked in the past because you won’t have a good present and will never grow up in life if you are stuck there.
3- Identify False Beliefs
Identify all the disempowering beliefs, such as unworthiness, powerlessness and parts that make you doubt yourself. Understand that you have believed a falsehood, and it will worsen if you do not release them. We might feel unworthy of love or happiness because our parents treated us wrongly or if they were not present when we needed them the most. Suppose you keep repeating this same belief, then you are going on the cycle of emotional pain. Your self worth depends on how you feel today, and you need to stop thinking about how your worth depends on how your parents were unfair to you. We need to be our parents and know we are full of power and love in life. Our parents reacted in a way they were brought up with a bit of love or some different lessons. If you keep focusing on their words, you won’t be happy. Release the pain and the wrong beliefs. You won’t be rich, you won’t get love, or you are unworthy of love. Your parents want the best for you, and it’s time you get rid of the old thought patterns that pull you down and rise above it.
4- Look At The Good Parts
No parent is perfect—which means that everyone has childhood wounds. We need to shift our focus from the bad parts that hurt us and see the good parts and all the best parts our parents did to give us. Whether it was a few lessons on life, some knowledge, some fantastic memories or good parts of their love that make us who we are today. Cherish the good parts too.
5- Take Self-Responsibility And Heal Yourself
Do you still need parental approval, acceptance, validation or permission to feel worthy? If so, do you conceal behaviours that don’t meet your parent’s expectations? This dynamic is quite common in most adults. Still, there is a considerable cost involved because you inadvertently give away your power whenever you suppress authentic expression in exchange for approval or acceptance. To forgive is not to accept the bad things our parents have done. It is important to separate our views on life from our parents and stop seeing ourselves ad children who depend on them for our emotional well-being or approval. It would help if you stopped being the victim, learned from the lessons, and rose above this phase. Be an adult who has it to shape your life and have clear visions of what you want to be in life. To forgive is not to accept the bad things our parents have done. It is important to separate our views on life from our parents and stop seeing ourselves ad children who depend on them for our emotional well-being or approval. It would be best to stop being the victim, learn from the lessons, and rise above this phase. Be an adult who has it to shape your life and have clear visions of what you want to be in life.
6- Realize The Patterns And Practise Forgiveness
Finding the forgiving self inside us is a long and complicated journey to get to a forgiving place. We have to be ready to forgive. We have to want to forgive. The deeper the wound, the more complex the process makes forgiving parents especially hard. Along the way, we may have to express our protest; we may have to be angry and resentful; we may even have to punish our parents by holding a grudge. But when we get there, the forgiveness we achieve will be worth having. Forgive your parents for how they treated you, for yourself for going through this and clinging on to this feeling. The best way to heal is to forgive and let it go. Do not live in the past because you have a good road to a happy life today and ahead.
Remember, you are different from your parents, and you can either learn from their mistakes and grow in life ahead with a clear vision or repeat the same pattern and be stuck in low energy. Learn from it and know your future and state of mind lies in your hand. Make the most of the love you have, and we at atoms of universe hope and pray you to heal well and grow in life always.